September 19, 2010
I started to think I had come out the other end this time, but I was getting ahead of myself. That's what happens when you don't stay mindful. I did finally take a shower today after a week, washed my hair after I don't know how many days. Even changed my clothes.
Unfortuantely as it got later in the day things started getting worse, the anxiety, the down feelings, the crying. That just goes to remind you that you can't let up for a minute. I have to stay mindful every minute and not let my guard down.
I let myself be drawn into several arguments. I needed to just step away, but I didn't.
I wish I could motivate myself to do something, anything. It's frustrating, it's maddening, it makes me feel bad about myself. I wish I could just disappear.
