Who Am I?

As I write this I am a 47 year old mother of two. Both girls, 18 and 16. I've also been married for almost 20 years.

My oldest just graduated from high school - barely. School was always hard but she never quit. Until the end of her freshman year of high school. Then it was like she didn't care anymore. So over 3 years of I don't care anymore was tough on everyone. I'm still not clear on everything that happened that caused all this I'm just happy it's over. Next stop beauty school.

My younger daughter is now a Junior in high school. She falls under the "doesn't apply herself". I know she can do better she just doesn't put the time in. I was the same way, but I see more potential in her than I ever saw in myself, so it hurts to see her not doing the work. She's also a very sensitive, artistic girl. Quiet for the most part, you just never know what's going on inside her head.

Then there's my husband. When we were dating he once told me that why he could love me he would never be in love with me. Well, that changed for him but unfortunately I went from being in love with him to just loving him. Five years into our marriage we experienced something together that broke me and there's just no going back, I've tried.  There were reasons for staying together, reasons to not. I think in the end it came down to the girls. He claimed he would never abandon his children (who was asking him to abandon them?) That he would get custody and whether I believed it or not, with my mental health history, was it worth the chance? All I know is it would have been ugly, and expensive and I don't know that the situation would be any better now if we had divorced. Life is not as easy as a made-for-tv movie would have you believe.

I work. For the same company. For 22 years. Enough said? Actually they have been very good to me. I've met a lot of people as I've wound my way through the mental health system and many are out of work, on disability or are unable to continue with the treatment for lack of insurance. Of course there's a flip-side to that. I've given them my heart and soul never wanting to let them down. So you give you take.

That's the short story. I think if you keep reading you'll find out so much more.