Electric Shock

Electric (or electricity) - The physical phenomena arising from the behavior of electrons and protons that is caused by the attraction of particles with opposite charges and the repulsion of particles with the same charge.

Shock - The sensation and muscular spasm caused by an electric current passing through the body or a body part.

Therapy - Healing power

Let's put that all together, "Electric Shock Therapy" (or ECT for short).

**the administration of a strong electric current that passes through the brain to induce convulsions

**a therapy where electrodes are placed on or near a patient's ears to pass high level electricity through the brain; producing convulsions with therapeutic effect.

**Electrically induced seizures

Ok - I think we get the idea. They put these things on your head, knock you out and then send electric shocks to your brain causing a seizure. And I signed up for this, for three different series of treatments.

One thing they claim is typically, patients do not remember their ECT sessions and the main side effect is temporary loss of short term memory. Guess I wasn't typical. I remember. People think I don't, but I do. Especially that once you wake up you discover that you have wet yourself. They don't tell you about it and it's extremely embarrassing.  Just writing it here is embarrassing.  The first ECT nurse told me she'd been doing this for like 15 years. She must have known this was a side effect. Why didn't she bother to mention this little fact. Somewhere in the middle of my second series of treatments a new nurse took over. I let her in on little side effect. By the time I came back for my third series (a glutton for punishment), she was telling all her patients about this side effect and warning them to get pads, or depends so that it wouldn't be embarrassing for them.

So here's the drill.  You get to the hospital at 6 in the morning where you are greeted by the ECT nurse. You change into your gown. It could be just you or up to half a dozen people joining in the fun. My motto was the less people the better. But that was strictly for selfish reasons. I hated having to wait. If I could have chosen I would always be first, but they liked to mix it up a little. That to me was one of the worst parts - waiting. I could be there for several hours just waiting my turn.

So they take you downstairs into one of the rooms they use for recovery. Half the place has people coming out of surgery and the other half was us. They start an IV (or in my case 3 or 4 nurses would attempt to start an IV - I don't have cooperative veins). By my last series they just put in a central line for me so they didn't have to bother. Especially after I had a vein blow just as they were putting me to sleep.

Then you wait and wait. Finally it's your turn and things start moving quickly. They put those little pads all over you to monitor your heart rate. They use this goop and put this thing on your head. They take one sock off of you. During the seizure the only that that moves is your foot (so they tell me). It's their way of telling when the seizure is over to watch the foot. They knock you out do their little dirty work and the next thing you know they're waking you up.

Then it's back up to the ward for you. They give you a little breakfast, have you get dressed, the psychiatrist comes in for a little chat and off you go home to rest. And two days later you come back and repeat the whole thing. This usually goes on for about two weeks.

Now when I say I remember everything it's true. I remember everything about the procedure. I remember my sister picking me up during the first two sessions (bless her she'd stop at Dunkin Donuts and get me coffee on her way to pick me up). And my mom picked me up during the last sessions.

Another crappy thing about the procedure. They won't let you drive home after. Now I say I remember everything, but that in no way means I was able to drive after. And if you didn't have anyone to drive you home, you had to do the entire thing as an inpatient. Two weeks in a psych ward. They wouldn't even let you be in a regular ward. You had to be locked up with everyone else. That would have been a deal breaker for me.

So did it help? The first time I'd say, yes it probably did. People noticed a difference. I seemed to be able to concentrate better. My mood was better. But it only seemed to last a few months.

I mean I must have thought it had done something or #2 and #3 would have never happened. But I didn't seem to get the same effect for #2 and #3 that I did the first time. It was disappointing.

I met people who had been coming once a month for years for what they called "maintenance". I did not want to become one of those people. The last time I went I absolutely hated it and couldn't imagine why I had agreed to it again. But I guess I was desperate and desperate people do desperate things.

There really were no after-effects for me.  I was back to my old self in a couple of weeks.  Well there was one after-effect.  When I forget something my husband blames it on the shocks. I've come to think that the things I don't remember never happened and he's just fucking with me.  It's been a couple of years since my last shock and he still likes to blame things on them.  That's when I know he's full of shit.